A couple of tourists intercepted my wife at a seafood joint. Their query was unique: “Say, we’re looking for that sauce you serve with seafood. You know, the white stuff with the lumps in it. Do you know what we’re talking about?” The answer was tartar sauce. The Wife replied that not only was tartar sauce freely available in restaurants, you could make it yourself with mayo and relish. The visitors from afar were confounded.
Homer Simpson was right: people are happier when they get extra tartar sauce. But do the great states of New England take tartar sauce for granted? Has ketchup and malt vinegar reigned supreme in other places? Alas, our countrymen miss so much! Tartar sauce goes great with fried clams on a Saturday night. I love idling by the condiment station in a restaurant, filling up little paper cups with enough tartar sauce to feed a battalion. (There’s something wrong about using those packets of tartar sauce; we shan’t be fooled by factory-processed imitations!)
Kids get sad when the fish sticks are all gone, with only a dollop of tartar sauce left on their plate to remind them of a wonderful meal. I think it’s time to take the plunge into sandwiched foods. Time to create fish sticks with the tartar sauce inside! Why not? They’ll eat ’em up! Well. . . perhaps not. This is the part where my wife would give me The Look, the same expression she reserved for the tourists.
Keep your chin up, tartar sauce. We’ll win another one down the road.